so i love beer, sometimes. i just really can’t do hard liquor. bacardi plus walking to dodgers stadium was not the recipe for awesome… but a couple shocktops and samples of my friends’ margaritas later and i was goooood again. it was the first time i successfully substituted alcohol in lieu of cannabis and though i didn’t prefer it, i was able to be social and silly and not sloppy. i was pretty fucking classy to be honest. i’m a cool bitch.
anyway. before the game we accidentally found the only fucking 7-11 in los angeles that doesn’t stock alcohol. why don’t they put that ON THEIR BUILDING OR SOMETHING AFTER WE SUFFERED YOUR TINY PARKING LOT AND EVERYONE BACKING OUT ONTO A BUSY PACKED STREET
then we almost side-swiped another car on glendale boulevard. yesterday on the way to the airport, X (our driver) decided to ignore a stoplight while traffic coming from the right had the right of way. the classiest 20 seconds of our life on the road.
after the dodger game while stuck in traffic on glendale, we insisted on blasting hip hop and our über driver not only obliged but ended a freestyle rap verse that ricardo started with the line “… and we took über hooome!”
every time i go to LA now, i’m getting to know the area better and am having increasingly better experiences as i’m able to explore more. it’s a great place to see, but i have to resist its temptation because los angeles is like cocaine.
so yeah, beer is fucking good.
trying some green malaysian kratom and a little blue lotus. sitting at this bonfire talking about drugs with strangers.
my friends are fucking tight.
just 4 hours of sleep tonight. if i go to sleep in the next 18 minutes.
whatever man. i’m just gonna go get high and eat noodlez
basically the post was about two things, gender and sexuality
and basically i was just saying how shitty society is with these things, making them only black and white
and how consistently throughout my life, i’ve always been “weird”
and when i was in college, i realized that though i am a “straight” “female”
i am not 100% of either of those things. not even 90% or 80% or 70%.
if you wanna know more, then you should come fucking smoke pot with me sometime. i’m in the bay. hit me up. if you have harder drugs then that’s fucking perfectly dandy with me.
i just typed out the longest, most honest post i have ever made about gender and sexuality, and i went to preview it and tumblr decided to throw it away and now it’s gone. it was perfect and long and i don’t know if i’ll ever want to attempt to recreate it, which is really just a fucking shame.
strong desire to punch and destroy.
tuesday was flippin awesome, saw gza in oakland. there were no rachets in the crowd, everyone was chill and dope as fuck. hip-hop that is purposely NOT gangster and has an actual message is the fucking the best thing ever.. especially when you see it live and you’re rolling so hard you feel like your eyes and teeth might pop right outta your face. it was one of the best nights of my adult life FOR SURE. gza was unreal, i can’t even describe. such a lucky bitch for being able to witness one of the greatest hip-hop artists ever, right in the comfort of my backyard. fuckkkkk gza just reminded me how badly i wanna go back to new york…
seeing adam before the show was crazy. TWICE, in fact. i don’t think i’ve ever had a connection with a performer like i do with adam. even with other hip-hop artists i see, usually it’s a big packed venue with so many people, such a small chance that the performer could even notice you. intimate live hip-hop is THE BEST for me. so fucking exhilarating. every time we see him perform and he connects with us and the rest of his followers, you just know he’s thankful that you’re there having fun with him. it’s a bond i can’t describe. every time i see him, i feel so happy and excited for him as a performer, it feels like i’m watching one of my best friends, and i just wanna see him succeed. i feel so lucky to be able to keep going to his local shows, and i hope he makes it. if adam can’t, shit, who fucking can?
it’s crazy to think that i lost a big influence in my life a couple years ago, adam goldstein, and now i found another adam as a source for complete inspiration. he isn’t a replacement, but it’s so important to me to know that there are performers out there, REAL artists, who aren’t on tv or the radio, and have something real to say. i’m never going to not listen. adam has a follower for life. FOR LIFE.
if you were at the gza show in oakland on tuesday, let’s be friends. everyone was so fucking chill. DOPE venue and staff, too! it was such a perfect show… except how gza was hella late hahahah we love him though.
of all the fucked up shit i have heard and experienced, by far the craziest shit i’ve ever known is how morbidly people will twist their own mortality to make themselves feel more important. they do this by burying DEAD BODIES IN THE GROUND IN FANCY BASKETS.
this i do not understand. have never understood.
who does that help? it helps the living who are suffering during their time of mourning? do you honestly feel better knowing the body of your loved one, though lifeless and NOTHING LIKE THEM WHEN THEY WERE ALIVE, is buried six feet under ground? is it so that, in the event you can’t handle it down the road, and you just like, NEED to see them, are you honestly going to dig them up or some shit?
i don’t get it. never got it. fucking morbid. isn’t it easier just to accept the fact that we are animals, just like all the others, and we’ve been given this crazy miraculous thing called a life BUT at the cost of one day dying?
death can be so unfair, so inconvenient. i get it. i know it. i’ve known it since i had to reschedule my picture day appointment in 8th grade to attend my aunt’s funeral. and that wasn’t even my first. death fucking sucks and as far as that suffering you feel from having the one you love so unexpectedly ripped away from you, trust me, i know it. i get it. but how does gently putting their body in a basket in the ground make it any better? i would maybe understand if the bodies were simply laid in the ground to decompose and join with nature eventually…… but this? bodies in boxes in the ground? what if the dinosaurs did that?
starting to get permanent-stoner-face.
to go with my permanent-stoner-voice.
and i love it.
since i’m starting to get better at talking to people while high, i’m actually much better at masking nervousness.
probably because there’s none there.
probably because i don’t care!
you’re online all the time
"you’re online all the time" is what they say
upon observation of my phone usage frequency: nonstop to ny
dear future beings whom i may encounter, who i offend right away:
i acknowledge the fact that you are aware of my current phone status
and while i appreciate the updates on the developments,
i feel obliged to inform you, i tune them out;
i change the channel, i close the tab, i’m on with my night
but thank you for giving my filters full-time work plus benefits
though your mindless chatter goes in the spam folder,
interacting with people is the weirdest thing i’ve ever done
so i’m forced to take all opportunities with some sort of vague pride.
my mind is a machine, i have a lot going on at any given moment
i’m sure you do too, maybe try listening inward instead of only outward
our brains are just organs, just as our hearts, ears, and eyes
we are not robots, we don’t perform perfectly or consistently in any capacity
we are all bound to be blind, deaf, and dumb with time
i’m fine with that. are you?
i can get off my phone easily, you don’t even need to ask
all that needs to happen is something stimulating and/or wonderful;
theme parks and hikes and beaches and kittens come to mind
but when my amygdala and hippocampus are idle,
i lift myself to a higher inner power completely unannounced
learning is my favorite hobby, i do it whenever possible
taking bench presses in between human encounters
you see, i thrive on expanding my mind
while others focus on different groups of mucles in the human body,
i choose this one to sustain and mold exactly how i want
my mind is my most precious thing
it is the thing i’ve crafted my whole life,
a private gift from me from i
where only myself enjoys the ride,
and others just look on by
i may be on my phone, but i’m on call with information
education is my regular shack that i prefer to dwell in
where others leave it messy and desolate, i take in all that i can
appreciating its very existence, no matter how sad
so, while the sight of my phone may be offending to you
rest easy tonight knowing most likely i wasn’t communicating with another being on the phone
when you saw me earlier at starbucks
i was just flying through the internet, the universal language of knowledge
and while it’s free, i must have it, i hoard it in my brain
expanding my universe, cruising anywhere my thoughts desire
growing my inner peace and understanding life one particule at a time
but you just need to vent while you wait, i get it
the universe is unjust to you today, you don’t deserve this
i’ll listen and participate when it’s real, something i take part in
wasted so much time on way too many 404 errors
i could scream.