of all the fucked up shit i have heard and experienced, by far the craziest shit i’ve ever known is how morbidly people will twist their own mortality to make themselves feel more important. they do this by burying DEAD BODIES IN THE GROUND IN FANCY BASKETS.

this i do not understand. have never understood.

who does that help? it helps the living who are suffering during their time of mourning? do you honestly feel better knowing the body of your loved one, though lifeless and NOTHING LIKE THEM WHEN THEY WERE ALIVE, is buried six feet under ground? is it so that, in the event you can’t handle it down the road, and you just like, NEED to see them, are you honestly going to dig them up or some shit?

i don’t get it. never got it. fucking morbid. isn’t it easier just to accept the fact that we are animals, just like all the others, and we’ve been given this crazy miraculous thing called a life BUT at the cost of one day dying?

death can be so unfair, so inconvenient. i get it. i know it. i’ve known it since i had to reschedule my picture day appointment in 8th grade to attend my aunt’s funeral. and that wasn’t even my first. death fucking sucks and as far as that suffering you feel from having the one you love so unexpectedly ripped away from you, trust me, i know it. i get it. but how does gently putting their body in a basket in the ground make it any better? i would maybe understand if the bodies were simply laid in the ground to decompose and join with nature eventually…… but this? bodies in boxes in the ground? what if the dinosaurs did that?

six sentences

starting to get permanent-stoner-face.

to go with my permanent-stoner-voice.

and i love it.

since i’m starting to get better at talking to people while high, i’m actually much better at masking nervousness.

probably because there’s none there.

probably because i don’t care!

you’re online all the time

"you’re online all the time" is what they say

upon observation of my phone usage frequency: nonstop to ny
dear future beings whom i may encounter, who i offend right away:
i acknowledge the fact that you are aware of my current phone status
and while i appreciate the updates on the developments,
i feel obliged to inform you, i tune them out;
i change the channel, i close the tab, i’m on with my night
but thank you for giving my filters full-time work plus benefits
though your mindless chatter goes in the spam folder,
interacting with people is the weirdest thing i’ve ever done
so i’m forced to take all opportunities with some sort of vague pride.
my mind is a machine, i have a lot going on at any given moment
i’m sure you do too, maybe try listening inward instead of only outward
our brains are just organs, just as our hearts, ears, and eyes
we are not robots, we don’t perform perfectly or consistently in any capacity
we are all bound to be blind, deaf, and dumb with time
i’m fine with that. are you?

i can get off my phone easily, you don’t even need to ask
all that needs to happen is something stimulating and/or wonderful;
theme parks and hikes and beaches and kittens come to mind
but when my amygdala and hippocampus are idle,
i lift myself to a higher inner power completely unannounced
learning is my favorite hobby, i do it whenever possible
taking bench presses in between human encounters
you see, i thrive on expanding my mind
while others focus on different groups of mucles in the human body,
i choose this one to sustain and mold exactly how i want
my mind is my most precious thing
it is the thing i’ve crafted my whole life,
a private gift from me from i
where only myself enjoys the ride,
and others just look on by
some offended.

i may be on my phone, but i’m on call with information
education is my regular shack that i prefer to dwell in
where others leave it messy and desolate, i take in all that i can
appreciating its very existence, no matter how sad
so, while the sight of my phone may be offending to you
rest easy tonight knowing most likely i wasn’t communicating with another being on the phone
when you saw me earlier at starbucks
i was just flying through the internet, the universal language of knowledge
and while it’s free, i must have it, i hoard it in my brain
expanding my universe, cruising anywhere my thoughts desire
growing my inner peace and understanding life one particule at a time
but you just need to vent while you wait, i get it
the universe is unjust to you today, you don’t deserve this
i’ll listen and participate when it’s real, something i take part in
wasted so much time on way too many 404 errors
i could scream.

things i have learned about myself #4828838273:

i can go all day every day without cable television, especially now that breaking bad is over and mad men is on its way out. i do still watch judge judy, the good parts of animal planet, natgeo wild, adult swim, shameless, the late show, and any 90’s throwbacks on nickelodeon, but other than that i don’t care to watch anything on television, ever. cable, i could easily live without.

on the other hand, i do require, as part of my vital organs, lightning-fast internet.

age 24, year 2014, day 1.

dope night.
watching birdman whilst dabbing.
had some edible earlier, too.
played ibb & obb.
with 3 college minds, we got through about 30ish? minutes before it beat us.
chips & salsa.
so much chips & salsa.
christine’s poetry. i like poetry.
remembered that crown city rockers exists,
and so does hieroglyphics, for that matter. both from oakland.
wearing the falcon punch hat, so my cranium is properly fried.
gonna start watching the wire soon (haven’t watched any tv in a month or so?)
tomorrow is thursday, and idgaf.

your life doesn’t become any more complete when you graduate from college.

i’m just saying this again, after saying it again and again and again and again, and i’ll say it again, until everyone understands. i see so many people going to college just because it’s the thing to do. WRONG, if you really care about your future and don’t have a planned career that’s a direct line after a particular degree, you should just stop wasting your money and teach yourself on your own. you can do that now, you know that right? and just in case you feel you can’t, there’s things like itunes university and shit. you should really look at it. really.

because i know you. you’re working hard, so hard. you’re holding down a job or two, an extra curricular, and your full-time classes and homework all for the sake of being a “scholar.” but all the bullshit and suffocating and money, you can’t even see that how you’re pushing yourself, TODAY, RIGHT NOW, is way more i inspiring than a piece of paper.

the degree won’t mean anything.